Here are the ramblings of Damian Abrahams. Most of what you read are from the inner realm of his mind, others may be an assignment given to him by a professor, and others still are just his simple opinion that he hopes will help bring understanding to a particular topic. Enjoy.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Xaad Kil


I’d always found it interesting that the Cree calendar is so descriptive and takes into account what happens in a particular month. And I’d always wondered how my own people described the months of the year. Thanks to the efforts of my people, a blog on our language is in full swing! This is our calendar, note that we, too, take into account what happens during that particular month. Haawa’a for all your efforts!

The Haida people of the Haida Gwaii islands have a simple but interesting system of counting the months. An entire year is called a "cold," or, as we should say, a “winter,” and originally this was divided into two periods of six months each with a thirteenth month intercalated between them. In enumerating these to me they began with the summer series, recommencing their count with the winter series. Each month starts two days after the new moon.

Beginning of Winter Months

Jid kongaas ~ November 27 - December 25, 2011

"Digging month", the bears dig roots to prepare for hibernation.

Kong gyaangaas ~ December 26, 2011 - January 24, 2012

"Standing up/to defecate/month", because the ground is snowy and cold.

Hlgidguun kongaas ~ January 25 - February 22, 2012

"Goose month", when Canada geese come down to the coast.

Taan kongaas ~ February 23 - March 23, 2012

"Black bear month," the bears come out of hibernation and come out on the shore, the sparrow, the murrelet, and the hajáa or Cassin's auklet all come to lay their  eggs

Xiid gyaas ~ March 24 - April 22, 2012

"Laughing goose month", when the laughing geese (A. albifrons) begin to fly northward across the islands, fish begin to spawn, and grass begins to grow.

Wiid gyaas ~ April 23 - May 21, 2012

"Salmonberry bird month," the song of the salmonberry (Russet-back thrush) birds announces that Winter is over. - In this month hair-seals are born, sea-gulls and, since the water is calm, boys begin playing with their toy-canoes.

End of Winter Months, Beginning of Summer Months

Gansgee ’laa kongaas ~ May 22 - June 20, 2012

Month when the berries are forming. May also be interpreted as “Halibut month.”

Wa.aay gwaalgee ~ June 21, 2012 - July 20, 2012

The weather is still somewhat cold.

** Haida New Year**

Wa.aay gwaalgee 21 lagwa wáak sgwáansang

Kong koaans ~ July 21 - August 18, 2012

"Great month", because the weather becomes warm and food becomes plentiful. Also the sap-layer of bark, being thicker than at other times, is eaten.

Sgaana gyaas ~ August 19 - September 17, 2012

"Killerwhale month", when cedar-bark is stripped from the trees it sounds like blowing killer whales. Dur ing this month, also, spring and white salmon begin to run.

K' iijaas ~ September 18 - October 16, 2012

"Belly month", animals begin to grow fat and their bellies get big.

K'algyaa kongaas ~ October 17 - Nov 14, 2012

"Ice month", the first ice appears on the rainwater in the canoes. The other salmon begin to run during this month.

End of Summer Months

K' eed adii ~ Nov 15 - December 14, 2012

"In-between month" was so named because it is the intercalary month between the summer and winter series.

Beginning of winter months repeats

Monday, January 30, 2012

Culture, Education, and Parenting


2012

The coming year is going to be my best one yet! For the past four years I’ve been walking the halls of Concordia University College of Alberta, learning about the basics of psychology, lightly touching on the principles of sociology, and, not by choice, battling through a few religion classes. This year I finally walk across the stage. Those strides into the future will see me as the second member of my family with a formal education. The first being my naani (Haida: grandmother) who has her Masters in Education. I’d love to say that I’m an academic superstar and I’ve mastered all my classes. Especially when I hear at the end of a semester all my peeps on facebook announcing their 4.0 GPA and all their A’s. Alas, I get the odd A, mostly B’s, and a few C’s. I’ve come to university to learn my ABC’s! After my 2nd year I welcomed my baby into this world with tears of joy, wanting to provide the best for my family I considered withdrawing from my studies for a year and work and in consulting with my uncle he advised that I don’t lose my momentum. I’d like to think that he was right; after all, I dropped out of high school and that wasn’t a wise move. I look back and I see that my GPA would have been higher had I taken that year off. Say la vee (K-Jo :P) Though it may sound like I regret my choice, I don’t. I’ll be graduating from fricken university! THAT IS A BIG DEAL:

There is only so many ways I can tell my story, the short version is I ended up addicted to Crystal Meth (capitalized out of respect for the drug), which led me to be homeless and 144lbs, as my uncle so eloquently put it: I was cock and ribs. My arrival in Edmonton is when I was at my worst, having slept under a bridge, in stairwells, and on the beach, my uncle’s couch was a welcome change. I came to Edmonton to escape the lifestyle but I unknowingly brought it with me and ended up homeless here in Edmonton as well. Luckily for me I missed the winter. 6 years ago I changed my life enough to stay away from drugs all together and get my life back on track. I went back to high school, got my high school diploma, and enrolled in University. This phase of my life is over and I am currently in a transitional phase. Looking forward I have high hopes for myself. Master’s degree? You bet! Doctorate degree? I’m pretty sure that’s in the crosshairs as well. Dr. Damian Abrahams sure does have a good ring to it! So what’s helped me the most to make and maintain the change?

Culture

The Cree culture has been the hub of my spiritual life. When I arrived in Edmonton the first thing I did was attend a Sundance. The basis of the Sundance is healing. The dancers sacrifice their body for the healing of themselves, their community, or a family member. My first time dancing was the next year and it was for the healing of my own spirit. My first night dancing I had a dream: It was a battle field filled with infantry on one side and cavalry on the other. Their standoff lasted a while before they charged each other. The battle ensued and I noticed that up to now I couldn’t see their faces. After the battle, all but a few of the cavalry and infantry were left and bodies were everywhere. It was a bloody battle that left the cavalry the victors. As I surveyed the dead, all their faces appeared and they all had my face. I woke up and evaluated what I had just dreamed. I concluded that it wasn’t Crystal Meth or Alcohol that I was fighting, it was myself and up to then I’d always lost. I soon realized that if I wanted to win I had to stop fighting and I could only stop fighting with the help of the people around me and most of all sa’laana (Haida: Chief of all Chiefs up above). Between my first Sundance and my second I relapsed and I felt so bad. I had failed the Sundance, all the people that helped set it up, and the Elders who were dedicated to the Sundance. My failure was what motivated me the most, I never wanted to fail that way again, and I didn’t. My third and fourth dances were the best ever; completion of my Sundance dedication saw my connection with sa’laana stronger than ever. Intertwined with Sundance I would attend as many Sweats, Rounddances, Feasts,and Pipe ceremonies as I could. My roots in the Aboriginal culture grew strong and deep; strong enough to withstand any storm, deep enough to stay grounded in times of success. What does Culture (note the capitalization again) mean to me? It means life, gratitude, peace, love, family…. That ellipsis can continue on forever.

Family

On 10 July 2009 my life changed. My daughter took her first breathe and I was hooked. Nothing else mattered but that moment, and nothing could ever top it either. Maybe watching her cross the stage for her post-secondary grad could top, I’ll let you know. I’ll have you know that I was raw when she came into the world. I’d never changed a single diaper, never been barfed on (by anyone but me), peed on, or pooped on. I never calmed a crying baby, fed a hungry baby, or had a baby fall asleep on my chest. I was as new to parenting as Khaila was new to this world. That is a partial lie, I had, at that point, an 11 year old in my life but I was just coming into my own as a parent with Kiraleah and had not yet been a full parent to  her at that point.

Confessions

A part of my past includes two previous pregnancies…and two abortions. Both of them were my choice. My only conclusion is that I wasn’t ready to be a father but I didn’t want my children to have no father in their life. I remember being in the waiting room of the clinic and imagining all the babies sitting on the ledge that wrapped around the room looking down on me, I remember how the world just kept on going after the procedure and how shitty I felt. I kept picturing my baby, safe and warm, suddenly being ripped out. Having the abortions done, in retrospect, was the worst things I’ve ever done in my whole and I don’t encourage it at all. Life is too precious just to discard like that. End of confession.

When Kathy-Jo came out of the medicenter I knew she was pregnant when she told Kiraleah to let us talk in private and I told myself I can’t repeat my past mistakes, that this is going to my baby. “No more fucking abortions” was exactly what I thought. And with that thought Kathy told me she was pregnant and I was happy. Truly happy. Being a parent is such an adventure and it comes in phases. I mastered the infant and baby phase, all it consisted of was changing a diaper several times a day, burping her, snuggling her and making her laugh. The pre-toddler phase was fun, she was aware so we had to fill her world with close contact and stimulating colors and textures. We played peek-a-boo with her to teach her that things exist even though she can’t see them and gave her things to mash to develop her gross motor skills. I sung to her and drummed. Every night I sung the lullaby song to her. The toddler phase is a challenge. She’s acquiring language, developing her fine motor skills, learning social rules, learning to use the potty, and discovering things she can and can’t do.

Language acquisition

We speak normally to her, no baby talk involved. Adults don’t speak baby. When she struggles with a phrase we break it up for her: “ti” ger” and then combine them for her: “tiger”. At the same time she uses her own little language to which we have to guess what she’s referring to. Most times we ask her to show us what she’s talking about and then we give her the correct definitions. My game with the alphabet is to make the sound of a letter three times and do that with each letter: “ah ah ah” or “eh eh eh”. I also help her tongue make the different shapes needed to make the sounds “boo boo boo” “bee bee bee” “oh oh oh” “oo oo oo” “juh juh juh” “gee gee gee” “ho ho ho” “hee hee hee” and, of course, good old reading to her, but instead of using my finger to follow the word I use hers.

Fine Motor Skills

Going from pre-toddler to toddler see her going from general mashing things being fine-tuned to actual precision. The great thing about this developmental phase is that there are many toys to help with fine motor skills. Allowing her to feed herself, push elevator buttons, turning on the light, zip zippers, put the strap of my belt though the holster, and drawing are all tools we use for her fine motor skill development. She also counts to 11, sometimes 13, and we’ve been encouraging her to count on her fingers.

Social Skills

Interacting with other little people is vital to babies and toddlers. We started by having friends over with their kids. When it was time for Kathy to go back to work we put her in a day home. She could learn to interact with just a few kids during the day, something she could handle. In December of last year we pulled out of the day home and placed her in a day care, partially due to a poorly worded status update, to get her ready for a school setting. She also picks up on the concept of an extended family with my uncle and his kids, and Kathy’s sister, and Lisa and her kids. She monitors me when I interact with my friends (her strangers) and is fiercely protective of property (hers, and ours) and those are teachable moments, and also protective of family (sometimes she won’t like a person and she’ll say: “no! MY papa” and swat at the person to indicate to stay away from me), more teachable moments.

Potty Training

It’s every parent’s dream to free up some cash and stop buying diapers and wipes. This leads them to push their children to potty train earlier than when their child is ready to. We did not do this. We didn’t push her or make her be uncomfortable to potty train. We waited for her to be ready to use the toilet. She’s been doing so good at it now, she’s only had a couple accidents! On accidents, that’s all they are. Do not make a big deal out of it, do not scold your child for missing the toilet or not making it to the toilet. Bringing shame to peeing and pooping will cause your child to regress back to diapers and not make it a pleasant thing for her and she’ll put it off as long as she can. We also normalize pooping and peeing, mostly pooping though. We go through all the people in her life and say the poop: “papa poops” “mommy poops” “sister poops” “gaagi poops”. So if you’re in her life, chances are you’ve been included in the list!

Independence

Khaila is discovering what she can and can’t do. “Khaila do it” is her mantra right now and we go ahead and let her try. Doing this allows her to master parts of her world and mastery leads to confidence and self-efficacy.

I have to go to class now…

Sunday, June 26, 2011

My Canucks


My Canucks became my Canucks when I could understand hockey: when I was about 4 years old. 25 years have passed since I feel in love with Captain Kirk, Lumme, Hedican, Ronning, Linden, Babych, Odjick, Diduck, Slegr, Courtnall, Bure, and all the other guys my memory cannot remember. That was the team I adored. Over the years many players have played for my team: Potvin, Snow, Ohlund, Naslund, Bertuzzi, O'Brien. The team I adore now have won the hearts of many across BC and Canada, not just mine: Sedin (22), Sedin (33), LUUUUUONGO, Schneider, Kesler, Burrows, Higgins, Torres, Malhotra, Lapierre, Raymond, Bieksa, Ehrhoff, Rome, and Salo. I was such a diehard fan when I was younger I drew, with Pastel, the flying skate on my wall when my aunty told me not to. I got in so much trouble for doing that, but it didn't matter. I represented my Canucks!

Game 7 vs. The Rangers. I can remember the electricity in the air that day, it seemed like all of Vancouver was on edge. It was all I could think about that day, I envisioned Linden hoisting the cup and skating around Madison Square and passing it to Mclean and all the other Canucks, then I remember the heartbreak when the Rangers posted two goals. I thought it was all over then! In comes Linden to respond with a goal, and another in the third but that damn Messier had to spoil my party. All my hopes and dreams went out the window. I cried that evening. Not because my Canucks had lost in game 7 of the Stanley cup final, but because all my fellow fans were destroying my city.

Gino Odjick was the first Native hockey player to suit up for the Canucks so he immediately became my favorite player. Whenever he knocked some heads I cheered extra loud! I cheered louder when he scored goals! One of the events I was at with my naani invited Gino to attend, when it was his turn to speak to the crowd he lit a cigarette and sung a song while holding the cigarette up in the air. He was like superman to me; I was bedazzled to see a Canuck show off his culture in front of the crowd of people. I asked my grandmother if I could give Gino something as a gift and she gave me a beaded bracelet to give to him. Turns out it was a few sizes too small for him but he put it in his pocket any way.

Throughout the years I’ve been a Canucks fan I’ve always been proud of them. Facing criticism from my friends that they’ve never won a Cup, or that their goalie sucked, has never bothered me. The thing of it is, I’m not just a fan cheering for a team, the Vancouver Canucks are a part of my identity, and they are a part of who I am. They’ve become so deeply engrained in my life that I’m going to die cheering for them.

For as much a Canucks fan as I am, I haven’t been to many of their games, or even own a jersey. My first Canucks game was at the Pacific Coliseum and the Winnipeg Jets were in town. My Canucks kicked ass coming through with a 6-1 win over the Jets. The next game I ever went to was this season, 2010-2011, at Rexall Place versus the Oilers. They won, of course. I went to the following 3 games they played here in Edmonton. They won 3 out of 4 games.

The winning part was just a slice of the pie for me, being able to see my Canucks up close was the best part, seeing Luongo and the Sedin twins, Burrows and Malhotra, all of the them, play during warm up was so inspiring. I wanted to be on the ice with them! The feeling of excitement I had all day paralleled that electric feeling I had back in ’94 and the nervousness of walking into Rexall and the evoking feeling I had as I stepped into the main arena to see my Canucks warming up was lump-in-the-throat amazing! The best part of it was that I was only 9 rows up from the ice!

My toolbar on my computer has a shortcut to the NHL standings so I followed their ascent up the standings all year long. My Macbook, by the way, sports a Canucks sticker where everyone can see it. I loved the many times this past season where I could gloat to my friend Ross, a die hard Oilers fan, about how well the Canucks were doing and how bad the Oilers lost. Again. And when the Canucks finally blew past Philly I was a happy camper, I knew they could go all the way this year! I wasn’t concerned with the President’s trophy, I envisioned Henrik hoisting Lord Stanley like I did with Linden!

The Chicago Blackhawks came up the very first round in the playoffs, memories shivered in my psyche but I knew they could do it, the Hawks relied on a rookie goalie more than they did their other players. Blackhawks down.

The Nashville Predators weren’t a concern for me, Rinne did make me nervous a few times but I knew Lu and Kes could pull us through. The Predators became the prey.

The San Jose Sharks brought back more memories with Niemi in net, the one who carried The Hawks to the Cup the previous season and, obviously, ended the Canucks’s dreams. Again. I also remembered how we swept the Sharks in last season’s Cup run. No way Jose.

As I followed the Eastern Conference, a part of me wanted Tampa to win, I knew my Canucks would make a quick meal out of them and the aging Roloson, but the competitive part wanted Boston to win. A few weeks earlier I was sitting in Timmy’s and a man walked by wearing a Bruin’s jersey and that’s when my vision came clear: It’s gonna be the Canucks v. Bruins for the Cup! Lo and behold there they were at Roger’s Arena for game one of the Stanley Cup final!

My Canucks came out swinging and made quick work for the first two games, up 2-0 heading to Boston was a confidence booster but there was a stirring inside that told me that the Bruins weren’t going to lay over and give up. The teams ping ponged games 3, 4, 5, and 6 and then it was game 7.

Home game teams were 6-0 in the series so I knew we had the Cup. I looked at the Bruins who had won 2 previous game 7’s but that didn’t worry me one bit. All day long I was anxious and nervous and worried. I was worried because every time I didn’t watch the start of the game, the Canucks lost and I was scheduled to be at work for the first 2 hours of the game. At work my mind was not there, all I wanted to do was check my twitter feed to find out what’s happening in Roger’s Arena. I wonder today if the family I was working with could tell my mind wasn’t in that room that night. On my way home I got a text from Ross: 3-0 Boston. My heart sunk, but then I remember how many times we came from behind for the win and kept the faith. Not once while watching my Canucks during these playoffs did I shut the TV off when they were losing. Against the Hawks when they lost 7-2 and 5-0. Against the Bruins 8-1, 4-0, and 5-2. Three minutes to the end of game 7 it was 3-0 and I shut the TV off. I was too sad to watch Chara hoist the Cup.

I was at the Friendship Center in Vancouver and one of the Elders there made this observation: “You wanna know why the Canucks have never won a Cup? Because they didn’t ask for permission to use that logo they have”, she was referring to the First Nations design they are using as their logo. She may have some merit to that claim; the Edmonton Eskimo had an Elder bless their field and locker room by an Aboriginal Elder for the 2011-2012 season. Let’s see where that brings them!

2011 and 1994 have riots in common; once again I was sad more that some so-called Canucks fans were destroying my city. They let the loss outshine the fact the Canucks finished on top of the pack for the season; no team was better than them. They forgot about the fact that we took home the President’s Cup, or the Sedin’s have consistently been the top scorers in the league. Not to mention the stellar performance by Lu and all the Canucks on this season’s Cup run…what everyone forgot was that the Canucks did what they do best: win. There isn’t anything that can be done to shake my love for the Canucks, cup or no cup. Like I said: They are a part of who I am now

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

100 things about me.


1. I am a father to 2 beautiful girls

2. I am walking my journey with the most beautiful woman in the world

3. I am Haida/Carrier but I only know of my Haida side

4. I am an ex-meth addict

5. I like nectarines

6. I have 2 tattoos, one of the tree of life getting struck my lightning (symbolizes life and courage) and the other is of my baby’s hand print.

7. I like to wear shades

8. Sometimes, when alone, I pretend that I’m a Jedi

9. I love music. All kinds of music, but I don’t like country or opera.

10. I have a scar on my left wrist and one on my right knuckle.

11. I like long walks off short piers.

12. I lost my virginity in a Tipi

13. I was very close to my great grandparents when I was young.

14. I love to travel.

15. I love the Vancouver Canucks

16. I have really intense eyebrows

17. I have big lips.

18. If you google my name, Damian Abrahams, you might mistake me for Damian Abraham, the singer of a band called fuk’d up.

19. I do my best to not step on ants

20. I’ve never met my father.

21. I have a piece of argillite in my forehead

22. I like the Zombie genre

23. I have a 76% chance of surviving the zombie apocalypse

24. I have relied on auto-correct to spell apocalypse. Every single time.

25. My uncle and aunt called me “fruitfly” when I was young because I loved fruit. I still do love fruit!

26. I like Sprite, if it’s fountain it MUST be without ice.

27. I’m a cook at heart, I love to experiment cook!

28. I am an Android enthusiast

29. I’m a Mac, never going back to PC. Ever.

30. I don’t bite my nails. Anymore.

31. I’ve lived in Vancouver, Masset, Port Moody, New Westminster, Mission, Hatzic, Victoria, Maple Ridge, Edmonton, and Belle Ewarte (Ontario).

32. Edmonton is my current home.

33. I’ve had acne problems my whole life.

34. I’ve had problems with dandruff my whole life.

35. I am currently writing a book about my life.

36. I was once homeless in 3 different cities in 2 different provinces.

37. I’ve eaten Ostrich: it tastes like ostrich.

38. I’ve eaten alligator: It, too, tastes like ostrich.

39. I’ve eaten turtle: It tastes like turtle.

40. I’ve eaten eel: It tastes gross.

41. I once tried my hand at long distance hitch hiking.

42. I always try to see the positive in things first.

43. I pick up newpaper boxes that’ve been knocked over.

44. I always let woman go first.

45 I hold doors open for people.

46. I don’t often talk about my awards or my accomplishments for fear that I would be bragging.

47. I don’t like braggarts.

48. I like anomalies, they make life more fun.

49. I am not very good with money, but I’m learning to control it.

50. You are half way there!

51. Despite all the drama in my life, I didn’t do very well in drama class.

52. I have an iPod Touch that keeps me sane.

53. Although I shouldn’t be, I am shy to sing in front of people. But I do it anyway.

54. Although I shouldn’t be, I am shy to dance in front of people. But I do it anyway.

55. I stop and smell the flowers.

56. I love the rain.

57. I love cloudy days.

58. For some odd reason, and this has been throughout my whole life, I’ve been often been the only male in the group.

59.  I am very tall. No, I do not play basketball

60. Despite all my promises to myself and the many tired days, I still stay up late.

61. If I watch an action movie, suddenly I’m a ninja.

62. If I watch a zombie movie, suddenly I’m the sole survivor of the zombie apocalypse. I still needed the auto-correct.

63. I am often complimented on my humor. Yet when I try to be funny, I’m not.

64. I try to make the lives of the people around me easier.
65. I’m a leo.

66. I once wrote an essay called “My House on the Moon” in response to the violence in the home I was living in. It’s about how far I wanted to be when they were fighting.

67. I still have to look at the keyboard when I type. That said, I’m still good at typing.

68. I failed stats 3 times before I passed.

69. I’m going to be the second person in my family that reached a Master’s level of Post Secondary education.

70. I’ll be the first in my family to receive a PhD.

71. I listen to Britney Spears, one song from Justin Beiber, and a few songs from Christina Aguilera.

72. I wear contact lenses.

73. I have dreams of being a DJ.

74. I have a bucket list.

75. I’ve been the recipient of the Alberta Aboriginal Youth Achievement Award

76. I was nominated to the National Aboriginal Role Model Program.

77. I don’t have any of my wisdom teeth.

78. Oddly, having my wisdom teeth removed was the wisest thing I ever did.

79. I have a boisterous laugh when something is very funny.

80. I am rediscovering what it’s like to be a kid.

81. I still find myself worrying about what people think about me.

82. I find it hard to initiate conversation or even make eye contact with people.

83. If I can get away with not saying hi to someone, I will.

84. I have to be extremely mindful of what I say, if not I may tell a lie.

85. Eminem and I have very similar lives, only I’m not nearly as famous as he.

86. when I  go hunting I am very scared to shoot the gun, not because I don’t want to kill something, but because I don’t wanna get “scoped”

87. I’ve been scoped two times. It hurts. A lot.

88. I try to take the best of everything and what makes sense to me, as a belief system.

89. I’m an Anglican, but do not follow that way.

90. Rather than telling someone I care, I try to show them.

91.   I am handsome, smart, and have a good sense of humor (when I don’t try).

92. I pretend to get in fights all the time, especially when it comes to dumb drivers.

93. I’ve participated in 2 consecutive CIBC Run for the Cure’s

94. Of any superpower available, I’d chose walking through things.

95. I was on the LRT that ran over two teenagers and saw some horrific things; riding the train the very next day was just as hard.

96. I am the resident manager of my complex, 6 years ago I was homeless.

97. When I do dishes, I find myself drying my hands only to put them in water right after.

98. I have one eyebrow hair that sticks straight out on my left brow, no matter what I do or how many times I pluck it out, it remains.

99. I am very resourceful and I know how to find information quickly.

100. My greatest asset is my ability to see things for what they are, not what people dilute them to be.

Friday, May 6, 2011

My mom

I love my mother. To be entirely truthful, she hasn't been the best parent and hasn't taught me the lessons needed for my life today. I still love her though. My mom and I were introduced by a doctor in the Grace Hospital in Vancouver BC almost 30 years ago. My mom brought us up to Haida Gwaii where we lived for quite a while. I was introduced to my naani and her naani. My naani Leila and tsiini Matt became my best friends. It isn't clear as to why I ended up living with Lily and Freeman Bell, to me at least, but it was the start of many foster moms.

Please forgive me, as this early time in my life is very vague and I am positive that I am confabulating some of this story!

The only real memory I have of living with Lily and Freeman are of Freeman drying his back after a shower and telling me not to fiddle. I thought he was talking about a fiddle, the kind to play! Memories are but whispers of this time of my life, but I do remember all the jelly fish in the water off the government docks. Millions of them just appeared out of nowhere. I remember trying my hardest to chop down the pole that was in naani's front yard, the pole is still there by the way; I went and checked when I went back to Haida Gwaii for my naani's funeral. I remember playing by the tree line at the end of McBride, always too afraid to go into the forest because that's where naani kooka, gaghiit, and the kuugana live. My mind flashes to Vancouver again, my mom and I are living above Guys and Dolls, a pool hall where my mom would go and do mom stuff. Drink I imagine. My mom tells me that one day my real dad, who I've never met even to this day, was in the pool hall and asked if I wanted to come meet him. I didn't want to because of all the nasty things my mom told me about him. I kind of regret not meeting him when I had the chance.

My mind flashes again to looking for my cat, the one I stole from a boy at the park. I loved that cat. We were "looking" all over for my cat because we had to give it away to Carol McNeil, my mom's friend in Maple Ridge. We were "looking" because I knew all along where my cat was, he was sleeping behind the bathtub. I remember the time when I was on my way to school at Florence Nightingale Elementary and I discovered a secret entrance to the candy bins at the grocery store. I was able to steal handfuls of caramel cubes with nobody knowing. My operation was foiled one day by the manager who told me they had a camera on me the whole time. Again, my brain told me that it was my mom's boy friend who had the camera and from that day on I figured that Perry had an x-ray camera and could see me where ever I went. I vaguely remember living with my aunty Norma in an apartment building somewhere in Vancouver. I don't remember how old I was or how long I was with her, I do recall a little teddy bear, a pink or yellow one...

From Vancouver my mom and I, more my mom, obliged Perry and we were off to Ontario to be with his family. We arrived, I believe, on time for Christmas. Christmas was awesome that year because I got the biggest gift there. I don't even know where there was, but it was with Perry's family. I got a GT. Props if you remember those! I'm pretty sure Perry's mom's name is/was Carol. And I am 100% positive that his father's name is/was Ron. In my mind my mom abandoned me when I needed her the most, she wasn't there to protect me when Ron interrupted my Scooby Doo show to abuse me sexually. Ron Marsden is his name, he took my innocence from me and my mom wasn't there to stop him. Ron kept this up for a long time before anyone knew about it. It turns out that Perry was beating my mom up, one night I stayed up listening to him hit her, and her screaming. There wasn't anything I could do, I was too small. It was that night that I told myself that I would protect my mom when I could. We had always pretended to be happy, my mom would make me cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches for school and as I was driving away on the school bus she'd be waving over the curtain in the kitchen. That actually made me feel special, none of the other kid's moms waved at them.

One night my mom came into my room and pointed at a house fire some distance away. She said it would be cool to go see it up close so we left, but she told me not to put any clothes on, that we had to just leave. By this time my brother Bryan had been born, so the three of us went out into the cold barely dressed to go see this house fire up close. My mom was escaping actually, she was protecting us from Perry. She talked to a police officer who set us up in a transition home until my mom could make arrangements to get back to BC. It took a whole week to get back to BC and I don't remember a single thing about the trip, only that my mom got out at the border of BC and Alberta to literally kiss the ground.

My mind is all jumbled up right now, we went to live with Carol, the one who I gave my cat to, we lived in Mission where Perry and my mom got back together. Also where my other baby brother Perry Jr. was born. My naani Leila came out to live with us for a while. I also lived with my aunty Norma in New Westminster for a while too. Somewhere in there I lived in more foster homes about an hour out of Mission with Ray and Debbie who were hardline, bible thumpin Christians. Ray and Debbie are responsible for me not liking organized religion today! They are also responsible for me not liking myself to the extent that I loathed myself. They were not good foster parents at all.

Now, my mind just jumped to time in my life that my mom denies ever happened. I cannot remember what I did or said, but my mom disowned me. "Fuck off! And don't ever talk to me again!" So I fucked off, and never talked to her again. I'm not even sure how long her and I didn't talk to or about one another. I do remember when we started talking again though. I was in Haida Gwaii, visiting my naani and aunty. I was at Norma's place digging in the crisper when suddenly the front door opened and in walked my mom. My heart dropped into my feet and I stopped breathing and my whole body just froze. I didn't know what to do, and even if I did know what to do, I wasn't physically capable of it. I'm pretty sure my mom reacted the same way when I finally found the strength to stand up and turn around to face her. We didn't talk right away. She ignored me so I knew that she still didn't want to talk. She told Norma that she brought Crabs for supper, I looooooove crab so I was disappointed that I wasn't getting any because that's how my mom is, when you piss her off, you don't get ANYTHING from her, not even a crumb. So I left. When I came back I was super starving and was digging around again for something to eat, I dare not touch the left over crab. My mom came down from upstairs and was standing behind me. "I saved some crab for you" was all she said. I twirled around and gave her the biggest hug and we've been talking ever since!

I've flashed forward to Fraser street, Dennis, Flo, and her son who got me in trouble so many times setting his stupid fires. It's where my mom gave me my first toke of a joint, and it's where she left me so many times to go drinking. I would sit in the front  room and just stare down the street waiting for her. I don't even know how many times she left me alone. One night she surprised me by bringing home chicken from Church's Chicken. SHE DOES CARE ABOUT ME! SHE BROUGHT HOME FOOD! It took only one time bringing home food to renew my love for my mom, never mind the days on end that I starved while she was out drinking. That place on Fraser was the last time I ever lived with my mom.

From there I moved in with my gaagi Frank who lived in Victoria, and from Frank's I moved into my last foster home when he decided to move back to Haida Gwaii. And from my last foster home I moved out on my own, which I failed at, but that's a whole other story :)

Yes, my mom failed as a parent, she failed to protect me when I was getting sexually abused, she failed to nurture me, cloth me, and make me feel safe. But she did the best that she could with what she had. I'm sure if she knew what Ron was doing to me, she'd stop it, if she knew how to nurture and console a child, she would have. If my mom knew how to express her feelings, she would have. We have residential school to thank for all of that parental breakdown. I love my mom, without her, I wouldn't be here to tell you all about her.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Our Own Mandela

Let me start by offering you a quote from Ghandi: Be the Change you Wish to See in the World. In other words, if you want to see something different, make it happen. Even if you don't have the resources to do it, don't wait for someone else to do it, the least you can do is get the ball rolling on your vision and other people can build on your foundation. The source of this blog has come from my many ponderings about Aboriginal people in Canada. And by Aboriginal (notice the capital A?) I mean First Nations, Metis, and Inuit people. The Aboriginal people are, for the most part, seperated. There has been no united uprising to assert our rights over the land that took care of us so many decades ago. We're just letting things happen as if we have no say in the matter. Let me tell you: We Do. There has been no united uprising to abolish the Indian Act or the need for status cards. Canada is the only country that has these types of documents for their Indigenous people. Side note: Did you know that the word Indigenous means "naturally occurring"?

As much as I'd like to see such documents gone, such an event would mean that our treaty rights would also be lost. No more medicine chest, no more education, no more five dollars a year, no more reservations. Essentially, the Government of Canada would no longer be holding our hand. As a person who is accessing these rights, it would be difficult to adjust to living a life without these freedoms. Having to pay for antibiotics alone would be hard to do as a student living on a student income. My education would also be paid out of my own pocket but these past couple years I did not meet the criteria for funding from my band and had to take out a student loan anyway. Let me tell you that it's not such a bad thing to have to pay  for your own education! It feels better, actually.

Abolishing the Indian Act and our Status Cards means that the Government of Canada is no longer looking down at us as an inferior people. John A. Macdonald, the dude on our ten dollar bill, was a wannabe lawyer and our very first Prime Minister. In a redirection, I'll tell you that I am the product of the British Columbia government. At an early age I had become a ward of the court and it was the responsibility of the BC Government to see that all my needs were met. I was placed in foster care. Well, my needs were not met, being in foster care was the worst thing that could have been done to me. I grew up not knowing my family, my people's language, xaad kil, not really having any long term friends, and having issues against Religion. Going back to J.A Macdonald, he was a key player in introducing the Indian Act back in 1876. The Indian Act's service was to direct the government on how to deal with Indians. Basically it put us as wards of the court.

A Summary of the Indian Act of 1876
Articles 1-2 states the name of the Article as the Indian Act and which Minister is responsible for Indian Affairs.
Article 3 defines the label "Indian" as "any male person of Indian blood reputed to belong to a particular band, any child of such person, and any woman who is or was lawfully married to such person".
Articles 4-10 deals with administration of reserve land.
Articles 11-20 deals with how reserve lands are protected from outsiders, as well the government's right to natural resources on reserve land. That being, the Indians own anything under the surface down one spade's length deep.
Articles 21-2 determines what to do in the event of any reserve splitting up.
Articles 23-4 has the Indians responsible for the roads on reserve land.
Articles 25-30 are consequences for illegal attainment of reserve land, the sale of Alcohol, and the removal of resources.
Articles 31-69 deals with the sale of Indian lands.
Articles 74-8 deals with the swearing in of non-Christian Indians in Court matters.
Articles 79-85 deals with substance abuse on reserve land. And the final articles deal with legal clauses regarding the use of affidavits and other documentary evidence used under the Act.

Which brings me to the title of this blog: "Our Own Mandela"
We need our own, Aboriginal, Nelson Mandela. If you don't know who Mr. Mandela is you've been living under a rock. Mr. Mandela was responsible for abolishing Apartheid in South Africa. South Africans fell under Apartheid which was like our Indian Act: a way of dealing with Indigenous South Africans introduced by the National Party Government of South Africa in the 40's and was upheld until the mid-90's. Basically, Apartheid asserted White rule over non-white people. In 1994 the African National Congress won the first democratic election held in South Africa in decades. Their leader was Nelson Mandela. Mr. Mandela's sacrifices for his people were many and started at an early age. He was punished for treason and jailed on Robben's Island for several decades. For all of his sacrifices, his people were united on voting day. 20'000'000 people voted on April 27th 1994. Twenty Million. 12'510'000 people voted for Nelson Mandela. Mr. Mandela is a great man who did more than his share for his people, he is one of my true hero's and I would love the opportunity to meet him. Even imagining me meeting him right now is bringing tears to my eyes. The Jungle Book song comes to mind and I wonder if I would sing it to him if I ever get to meet him: You see it's true! I wanna be just like you!

Aboriginal people do not have a Nelson Mandela. Mr. Mandela used politics to unites his people but we have not been primed to appreciate politics as it has been used to assimilate our people where we had to forfeit our status cards and treaty rights if we wanted to vote. So I am left with wondering what it will take to unite our people all across Canada, can we put our indifference on politics aside and really take it to hand in the political arena? Can we cast aside our crabs in the bucket policy and let some of our strong, Aboriginal leaders lead us? Can we really put down the bottles and pipes and our dependency on government handouts to take our lives into our own hands? I should think so!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

peaceful chaos


Life is simple from up here; its quiet and calm allows time to slow down. The screen embedded in the seat in front of me says we are travelling at just about 600 miles per hour. I look out the small, oval window and my senses tell me otherwise. It’s like we’re timelessly suspended between heaven and earth. Only the airy drone of the fuselage cutting through the atmosphere keeps us company. The constant, indiscernible chatter of the other passengers, and the smiling flight attendants are the only reminders that time really exists.
On the ground, life is accelerated. Honking, concrete, lights telling you what to do, it all blends together like a smear of charcoal on an artist’s canvas. Always only fifteen minutes to get here, ten minutes to get there, late for that meeting. It’s frustrating waking up one day only to find out ten years has gone by in a blink. The trick is to be fast yet slow like the wind outside the small, oval window: blowing at hundreds of kilometers an hour, yet peaceful and calm.